You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
