the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
