i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
