I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
3pm strippers are depressing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
