Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
