I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
