Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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