She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
