ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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