I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
