he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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