so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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