this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
