after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
