my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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