Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
