dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
