just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
