idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
