Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
