she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
