I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
