Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
