She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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