You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
