New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
