Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When are your genitals available?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
