am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
