I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
