You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
