True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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