The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
