Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
