butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
