What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
