he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
