We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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