Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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