my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
