No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
