I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
