Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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