You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
