Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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