and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
