you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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