First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
