You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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