I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
