so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
